This is it. This is the perfect house for me. I have no use for all the rooms it is likely to have so one day I will get drunk and lock the doors to all the unused rooms and hide the keys, giving sober me a whimsical tale to tell my guests.
“That room? No, a woman touched with hysteria locked herself in there in 18-odd-dickity-two and no one has been able to access it since.”
“But I thought I saw an old snowboard and some dusty gym equipment in there through the window.”